everypartofme

well it used to be easy, all i had to be was me, now i'm mixed up..

i know you probably won't answer this, you probably won't even want to read it and i don't blame you; i just wanted to feel like i tried. and if you do start to read this, i hope you'll read it until the end before you judge me.
i was horrible, i said things i didn't mean to hurt you on purpose. and it felt good, it really did at the time. and i know i probably shouldn't even bother because it won't change anything, but i have to do this for... i don't know who exactly.. all i know is that i don't like it when we're friends, but i don't like it when we are either.
i know it's not your fault, but the reason why is because we're so much alike. you probably think that that shouldn't have a huge effect on how i act, but it does.
when i find someone exactly like me, i think they're perfect, but after awhile they become annoying and i don't want to be around them. like two cogs that are perfectly the same; as long as they're in place they run swiftly and smoothly, but after time they get run down and start wearing on each other.
and i know that you're the better person, so you wouldn't say anything, but i had to, i can't live with unspoken words hanging in the background. i'm sorry.
i lashed out, but i didn't apologize because i was happy to be rid of you then, i felt like i needed to get away. you moved on and i moved on, but the story stays the same.
it's like everytime i look at you, i get sucked in. i want so much to talk to you, even though i know it'll do me no good. you always end up hurting me in the end and i know you don't mean to, which makes it even worse.
everytime i see you i'm reminded of what we had, what you did, what i did. but we don't even look at each other. it's like we're see through, we catch the first glance and then look away, like no one's there until we're sure we've passed.
i hate not acknowledging you as if we have no past together at all, but i guess there's no future in it, so there's no point in dwelling on the past.