Here we Stand Proud — no, Unfortunate to be Who we Are
I'm too proud to forget; to put the past behind me. It hangs like a dark cloud over my judgement, preventing me from pressing delete in my memory bank and pretending that everything will be okay. I know that that's what you want and in some ways I want it too, but to swallow my morals and adjust to how other people want me to be, just isn't what I do. Maybe it should be, but it's not.
Pride isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's good to have your own set of standards, but sometimes we set them too high and people can't live up to them. Finally they get sick and tired of trying and do something that crushes us unexpectedly on the inside. They don't usually mean to, but it happens all the same. We try not to care; not to show that it's silently tearing us apart because that would prove weakness, but then they go and apologize and what are we to do? Two options, millions of possibilities. The storm clouds come out, setting off the confusion.
Can you forgive them? Scratch that, should you forgive them? Sometimes to weather through the storm we have to stand strong alone, that way we can make our own decisions, come to our own conclusions. We come to realize that not everything should be taken into offence, but we should always be on defense, ready for an incoming attack. Everytime someone lashes out at us, we defend ourselves: it's only human nature. But after a period of time we get used to the constant blows and expect them to happen, thus we no longer know how to take down our wall. We keep it there for better or worse because it's stuck. Noone's come to break it down. Some have tried and the attempts are left hanging in the rigid air, scalding our nostrils as it makes its' way up and over the smooth wall. But what can we do about it? Should we forgive them for what they've done? We let them in and they decided — perhaps sub-conciously, but nonetheless decided — to hurt us. We trusted them and they took that trust and shattered it to milions of pieces. We opened up to them and they hit us where we were vulnerable. Sometimes it's impossible to forgive them for that. Other times we tell ourselves that we'll let it go this one time, when the truth is, someone somewhere is going to do it again. You can either learn to deal or avoid the confrontation. For the time being, I'm going with the latter. You can call me a coward.. any amount of horrible names you can think of because that's what I am, but I'm not sure whether or not you're worth another broken heart.
